Have you ever noticed we can function quite well after experiencing major life events, often for decades, but if we offer a window to those memories we’ve tucked away for so long… we can feel like we’ve been hit by a brick wall? It’s so common in the field of Clinical Psychology we have given it a name: Backdraft.
Backdraft
noun: an explosion of the gaseous products of incomplete combustion in a mixture with air sometimes occurring during a fire (as in a building or mine) – Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary
Christopher Germer and Kristin Neff also used the word backdraft to describe a common experience they noted in their research on self-compassion. It was great to connect with Kristin Neff and Dr. Gabor Maté this weekend for a workshop with our Compassionate Inquiry community, and I left both excited to dive into her recent research with athletes, and inspired to share the following for future reference.
What is backdraft?
After years of holding the doors tightly sealed on our emotions, once we begin to open up and offer ourselves even just an ounce of self-compassion, we can experience an initial explosion of painful feelings. Backdraft is to expected when you begin therapy, particularly for those with a history of complex trauma. And this is actually a good sign, it tells us something inside has shifted. We can take this opportunity to express our feelings in safe spaces, and finally experience the acknowledgement, validation and/or integration that our body needs.
What do we do when backdraft arrives? Give it some rain.
Tara Brach offers several guided meditations on her website (which I highly recommend, you can also find them on Spotify) and she teaches us to utilize the acronym RAIN to practice radical compassion. (Source: https://www.tarabrach.com/rain-practice-radical-compassion/ )
R – Recognize what is happening
Take this moment to offer your awareness and attention to what is happening right now. What are the thoughts/feelings/behaviors impacting you in this moment?
A – Allow the experience to be there, just as it is
Acknowledge that thoughts/feelings/emotions are part of the human experience. At this moment in time, there are likely thousands of others on this planet also experiencing similar emotions/thoughts/behaviors. *Really pause here to deepen your connection with what is present for you. Notice all the qualities present. Slow it down.
I – Investigate with interest and care, withhold judgement
This one here is where we uncover inner truths and the golden wisdom from within you. Is this connected to an underlying belief? Is it connected to a vulnerable place within me? What does this part need? Of note, Compassionate Inquiry (developed by Dr. Gabor Maté and Sat Dharam Kaur) offers a deeply impactful approach to uncovering this wisdom and opening the opportunity to nurture or integrate.
N – Nurture with self-compassion
What might you offer to a loved one experiencing similar thoughts/feelings/behaviors? Does it feel okay to offer that to yourself? Perhaps placing your hand on your heart or envision yourself being supported by a warm/radiant light.
If nurturing feels like too much for right now, you can begin by introducing a physical support by connecting with your 5 senses:
Touch – reach for something tactile that you find comfort in (blanket, a project/activity, or a 6-second hug)
Hear – comforting music, the kind where you feel the wavelengths resonate and connect with your heart; step outside and listen for the sounds of nature
Taste – take a sip of cold water or offer yourself a taste that connects you to a sense of comfort
Smell – find the smell that brings you comfort (essential oils for some, the smell of the ranch for others, perhaps its that dirt road smell, the smell of rain, or the smell of the shop)
Vision – a photo, nature walk, or painting can ignite a full response in our nervous system. If you have something you can look at that feels comforting, invite this into your space and offer yourself a 60-second break to really take it in and indulge your senses.
One last word on this. Sometimes we can reach for one of these and it feels like it’s not helping. Often, we can begin to think there’s something wrong with us as a result. Let me reassure you, as I believe our bodies are inherently and magnificently capable of healing – if only we learn to listen to them. I want to gently encourage you to consider, perhaps, your body is simply offering the signal that what you have reached for is not what it needs right now. Consider that the signal that something doesn’t feel like it’s helping is just as valuable as the signal that something is helping. This is, after all, the wisdom within beautiful you. Thank you, body. Honor that. Listen. Try something else.
Comment below if you have other ways you have learned to offer self-compassion, we’d love to hear your ideas! Wishing you a gentle day ahead. ~ Holly
Holsom Wellness 